Start lower

For a long time, there was resistance to being in my body.

It was scary.

It’s still scary.

Bypassing my body -- transcending upwards -- is so much easier.

Because when I’m in my body, there’s no escaping: she knows exactly what she wants.

There’s nowhere to hide.

There’s nowhere to run.

Presence.

When I don’t listen, she loses trust. Her cues become confusing -- or they’re missed all together. Intuition gets mudied -- she can’t feel it as strongly. The ‘yes’ and ‘no’ she receives becomes one and the same.

This makes her angry. Her voice is firm, and what she wants most is to be listened to.

So slowly, I’m becoming more available to her. Making space for her. Hearing her.

I’ve started to (often begrudgingly) ask her what she wants.

And even though she wants to scream at me, she takes a breath before she speaks.

Softly, yet with embers that spit from the edges of her words, this is what she tells me:

I want to lay on the earth.

I want to feel the soil beneath me, as well as the moss. I want to feel its cool dampness without needing it to be different, but rather relish in the discomfort it brings and let it remind me that I am part of its aliveness. An aliveness that is all encompassing.

I want to be guided by all five senses first, spirit second.

I want to laugh at the conditioning that tells me to do more to be a better version of myself.

I want to choose being instead
A little longer in bed
Abundance in everything.

Abundance that comes from my root, not from my third eye; Abundance that is grounded in the now, not the not yet; Abundance that comes from my sexual potency; my orgasms; my desires that lead my way.

Desires; I’ll let those be my compass. Because I don’t want to be scared of desiring anymore.

I want to indulge in the simple pleasures. Not the grandiose or the adrenaline-fueled, but that first sip of coffee. Afternoon nap. Rain on my face. Brushed hair. Salty breeze. Sun-kissed glow. No makeup. Homemade cooking. Cozy blanket. Stocked groceries. Clean sheets. Dirty feet. Tired body. Warm water. Beauty.

I want to go back to the earth, back to my essence, back to where everything once started and play here. Barefoot, play here.

So please, start lower
Go slower.

I want to come back to the earth again
Feel her pulse
And equally her grief and rage.

I want to rest here
Nest here
Stop running away from here.

I want to listen to the intensity of her receptivity and wait for it to nudge me to what’s next.

No more bypassing.

Life from my root, not my third eye; it all starts lower.

Lower, lower, lower.

I want to fill every one of my needs so that I can meet the world as a whole person. So I can share from an overflowing cup. So I can attract souls that meet and revel in my wholeness rather than my wounds.

I want to feel music fill up every cell as it dances in my veins.

I want to taste every morsel of my food.

I want space -- space to create but space to be.

Lower, lower, lower.

No more bypassing
No more running
No more escaping what’s here.
It’s time to be brave
It’s time to stay
So come lower
Just a little bit lower
I promise, it’s soft down here
Join me down here.
Lower, lower, lower.

C o m e   h o m e   t o   m e.

WRITING PROMPTS

1. What does embodiment feel like?

2. How does resistance show up in your life?

3. When you tune into your senses, what makes you feel most alive?

4. What are some ways you can feel into your root?

5. When you ask your body what it wants, what does it say?